THE DEMONS IN THE DARK: NZUBE {PART 2}

"Perhaps it is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused and, in reality, it is She who must prove her good reputation, her mental soundness, her impeccable propriety.~ Freda Adler (Sisters in Crime: The Rise of the New Female Criminal, 1975)

Are You sure You are ready to do this?" I asked Nzube. She laughs nervously,through her eyes I see the torture, telling me this story must be painful. I dont judge, I just listen. I couldnt help but think..."What if this was my story? What if it were me?..... I shudder.

 "Zoey", she says "Maybe this is the only way I will be free of this burden, Maybe I'll remain a prisoner to these demons but somehow i feel....No, 'make i no think am before liver fail me'.  She pauses, lights a cigarette and smokes in silence.

..I remember going to the bank, getting out some money and heading back to the doctor's. I pleaded with him to help me take "it" out. through my tears i failed to recognize the gleam in his eyes. Maybe I did, but it didn't register that I was going to face another monster. A different type that preys on those he/she is supposed to be taking care of, the betrayal of trust.The worst kind.

Lying in the theatre, still suffering from nausea and weak, hoping as soon this is done I'll feel better.

"Raise your legs" I do,
"Is it going to hurt, Doctor",
"It would but a little"  I look around and realize we are alone,
"Where's the Nurse, Sir?
"She's going to prepare a bed for You this would take only about 10mins, so relax!"

Silence. My weak attempts at breathing. I am so thirsty. I am nauseous

"I need you to be well lubricated so I can put this in You"
I stare at this huge metal contraption, my stomach sank,
"Don't You have that in a smaller size?"
He laughs "Small girl! You don't know anything but you can have sex and get yourself in this situation"
 I shrunk away and kept quiet and cry silent tears.
"Doctor please just do this let me leave. All I want to do is eat and sleep"
He tries to put the metal thingy in me, there's pain, I flinch.
"Let me get You lubricated so this goes easy on you. you are way too tight"
I nod my head and look away so he wouldn't see my tears.

I felt him prodding like he's checking down my woman parts, suddenly I felt a slight pressure on my clitoris,
I jump up,
"Relax, am trying to 'one thing, two thing' so the walls is relaxed. This is how its done"
confusion, panic and cold fear grips me.
"Don't You want to eat and drink water again" This is my 6th day without food and water. I was pale and looked like a walking corpse.
I try to relax, I lay back down and try to recall stories I had heard of D&C's. Did they say anything about the Doctor touching......You....in any manner or did they skip that part?
I stiffen my body. I can feel his finger flicking my "Lil' button" and instinctively I close my legs
"Ooohhh Ooohhh! Young lady, You are not ready!" he barked at me
"Dr. please........"
"Just open your legs let me do this so You can get out of here!"
Taking a deep breath, "I'm ready"
Eyes closed, preparing my body for the monstrous iron contraption that's about to ....."Oh" I gasp...Instead of cold metal....I feel...something else...then a weight....I open my eyes and.....Lo and Behold... Mr Doctor had his dick inside me and eyes closed. "Not again" I thought, horror filling me up, and I could taste bile on my tongue. The look of pleasure in his face made me throw up. I watched as my vomit landed directly on his shirt.
Pushing him away from me, I ran out grabbing my clothes in the process. stumbling and running blindly, barely seeing through my tears, I got into a taxi and headed back to Edna's house.

"Madam, Madam...You dey sleep? We don reach o"
I woke up from my dark tormented thoughts, opened my wallet and paid the taxi driver. Unlocked the door to the house and headed straight to the bathroom.
I felt dirty. I usually do whenever I remember...... I could still smell Kola on me. The smell of a man...
I turn on my music player from my Blackberry, ignoring the messages on it and start to shower. Scrubing myself vigorously. In a moment "LINKIN PARK's EASIER TO RUN comes on and I pause. Listening to the lyrics, I can relate.

                                                       "It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past"

By the second verse, I fall on my knees and weep.
 I weep for all the pain, I weep for my shame. I weep because I am damaged, I weep for I have myself to blame, I weep for a soul that's lost, I weep because I can never trust, I weep cause I will never be NORMAL, I weep for Me

TO BE CONTINUED